It's Xmas

We wish you a merry Xmas!

I don't want to complain but...

It is an unpleasant week or even month. I felt quite depressed. Not too much work to do since managers are busy filing. No progress in studying not because I am not hard working it is because the more I read the study materials, the less confident I feel- the more I don't understand. Thinking of the two headache exams ahead, I can't go to sleep!

I might just think too much. I wonder whether you had such feeling. You really want to do something well. But no matter how hard you try, it never works in the way you want. You absolutely frustrated!

I want to do well in my ACA qualification exams. Currently I am still doing the very easy part. Not easy to admit this but I used to be an above-average student in the class. Now I found every single subject difficult to tackle. When I saw others making progress all the time I became very impatient.

The tough terms become very very annoying. Hate to say the cliche again but English holds me back quite a lot! I don't understand what 'give rise to' mean when I refer to the question answer explanation. The online dictionary said it means to cause something to exist. So how should I understand 'give rise to an agency by estoppel'?- BTW I don't understand estoppel either and auto spelling check does not know either by showing a red underline!

Sadly it is quite an impossible thing to share since people who are able to understand my situation have no patient to listen and people who could listen can not help. I don't know which I prefer- a person to listen or a person to teach me in practice...

Trouble deprives from the desire beyond my ability. I want a good skill of excel/ AS2, good exam skills in ACA and a good relationship with my colleges.

Looking for a solution.
Need Help.
Don't want any more stress!!!

I don't mean to be like that...

I hope someone could take my appology of being so slow to understand what I was taught.

And PLEASE LET ME PASS!

Heritage

I did once wish that I were born elsewhere such as Austrilia, the US or the UK. Then I don't need to learn another language.

Or I were born with a sliver spoon. Then I would not only feel free to enjoy the luxury accommodation and buy plenty of beautiful clothes without the glance of the price but also I could study whatever I like without considering how to make a living.

Or I just enjoy any possible privillage on the earth.

Until I realise somehow heritage could be a bad thing.

It will take away my juicy feeling of life.

I had experienced the working class's life when I struggled to work as a waitress in a Chinese restaurant here, being requested a lot of ridiculous orders and critised by the particular Chinese boss.

And I had to give up my favourate subject literature since I can not guarantee that I could find a professional job with a handsome salary. I steered away from my beloved books but did a horrible volume of maths exercise and exams. If someone asks me to name the most terrible unhumanity thing, then I would say to demand a teenager to improve useless exam skills with a huge burden and sleepless nights for years just to enter a 'key' university.

I would not have gain the richness of life, pain and joy. I think only with pain that a man could grow into a man. Every lesson with pains will be writte deeply into my genes and be learnt by my heart forever.

Now I am happy of who I am. Experience all those in my past years, I found it easy to tackle the difficulties that I come across all the time. I did struggle when I had to learn an accounting qualification in a foreign language. Even for a native speaker, it could be challenging. Even for a student without a relative degree it could be challenging. Not to mention myself.

But I was born for some reasons, I believe. If it were taught in my mother language, if it were all about journalistic or communication stuff, if... many ifs. But life is full of everything but not ifs. Never if. Somehow people could not be successful in every field. Thank Lord gives me some talents so I could come this far.

I suddenly realise there is some heritages that I have not fully used.

The courage to conquer the obstacles.
The persistance to realise my dream
And the faith of my Lord.

If I have to choose any heritage, I would not go for many millions pounds but a gift of talent, to face every challenge in the richness of life.

A Bad Day...

I am very slow, at the moment, in learning both for my ACA course and my AS2 training even though I stay up late to recap a lot. My collegues seem quite cheerful everyday and not as struggling as I am suffering. For my study I keep reviewing my subjects everyday, step by step. I have planed to review Tax and Assurance in the evening while I work in the daytime, which I am doing now. And I will start reviewing accounting when I have my holiday- full seven days before the exam. I completely understand that things could be even worse if I have not been devoting 100% of my efforts.

I did or still have a bit doubt whether I am capable of doing this job. My difficulty does come from my English and non accounting experience. Many people may have one issue but I happen to have both. When I see my colleges started to use their skillful excel command to design professional work, I felt so bad since I did not know where to get the file!

Surely I don't want to be sacked for failing my exams but to certain extend that I have to admit I need more time to really understand something. Apart from that I have to accept the fact that people can't be good at every field...which makes me feel not good.

I began to talk less recently.

Become English (5) follow the denial rule in public

I find that when English step outside the security and privacy of their homes, then began to obey a rule called “denial”: try to avoid acknowledging that a scary crowd of strangers and maintain as much as privacy as possible by pretending that the crowd do not exist and much of the time pretending themselves not exist either. To follow the denial rule requires me to avoid talking to strangers or even making eye contact with them or indeed acknowledging their presence in any way unless absolutely necessary.

At the same time the rule imposes an obligation to avoid drawing attention to oneself and to mind one’s own business.

In fact I would go so far as to say that Englishness is rather more a matter of choice for the ethnic minorities in this country than it is for the rest of English people.
I have the advantage of being able to pick and choose more freely often adopting the more desirable English quirks and habits while carefully steering clearly of the ludicrous ones.

Become English (4) Follow the self-deprecation rule

Initially I don't understand why English people could stand others to point fingers at their prime minister. But later on I sense the deep pride of English that they don't really care because they just follow a rule called self-deprecation.

Not that the English are somehow naturally more modest and self-effacing than other nations but that they have strict rules about the appearance of modest. So I create a scene and show you how to become English.

Suppose that I am a brain surgeon. When I meet a new friend, normally after weather chat I will be asked what had led me to choose this profession. ‘well um, I read PPE, philosophy, politics and economics at Oxford –let me pretend- but I found it all rather beyond me, so, er, I thought I’d better do something a bit less difficult.’ you laughed, but then, as I must have expected, protested that surely brain surgery could not really be described as an easy option. This gave me a further opportunity as for self-deprecation. ‘oh no, it’s nowhere near as clever as its cracked up to be; to be honest it’s actually a bit hit-or-miss. Its just plumbing, really plumbing with, with a microscope-excpet plumbing’s rather more accurate.”

I was simply playing by the rules, dealing with the embarrassment of success and prestige by making a self-denigrating joke out of it all, as is English custom. And this is the point, an approach to becoming English, I see English people do this automatically all the time and so do I.

Become English (3) muddle what you really mean

I find it frustrated when I talk with my colleagues and clients a while to realise that when the English say “oh really how interesting!” does not necessarily mean interesting. Sometimes their facial expression obviously shows that they might well mean ‘I don’t believe a word of it, you lying toad.’ Or they might not. They might just mean ‘I’m bored and not really listening but trying to be polite’. Or they might be genuinely surprised and truly interested. You will never know. There is no way of telling: even the English themselves who have a pretty good sixth sense for detecting irony, cannot always be entirely sure. And this is the problem with then English irony-habit.

Then I know that English have a pretty good sixth sense for detecting irony, but please teach me since I have problems with the English irony habit on my way of becoming English. Sometimes English do say what they mean but the constant use of irony is a bit like crying wolf, when I do mean what I say, my audience seem not very surprised as they should be.

Become English (2) My experience in taking buses

Once I took the bus to my friend's place. When the bus came into a full stop, some passengers reluctantly move their bottom away from the chairs and walk peacefully towards the door. I doubt the comfort degree of the bus chair is far less than sofa at home but it seems that they took every second to lengthen their journey time. I used to live in a country where without fully preparation by moving yourself as close as possible to the door as early as possible, you will be able to miss the last chance to get off the bus and the next stop could be an extra travel by walking all the way back.

But I don’t understand why the bus driver ignore me when once I forget to wave to show that I really want to take that bus. I was obsessed with reading newspaper. Am I not 'big' enough to be spotted out? In a city where I grew up, the bus has to stop every stop so no chance to miss getting on board- unless so many want to get on and there is no space left for you. If it happen, some people may step their foot on the bus so they cease the bus from leaving. The passengers on the bus have to accompany him to wait for the next bus coming.

Anecdote: my friend who just came to London last week. We agreed to meet at the overground station but he was late. It is not because he got up late or any usual traffic jam but just because he did not know that one has to press the open button to open the door. When he realised this the train slowly moved away from the platform.

As an English you will NEVER have a chance to miss your opportunity to get off the train like this because it has become your natural habit, unconsciously written in your blood, that to press the button in order to open the door of the train.

Lucky we foreigners!

Become English (1) My experience in supermarket

I went to the supermarket one day and see all English stand quite and patient to wait for someone bottomed up his purse to get the change at the only open cashier. The English may complain by looking at their watch or tap their foot quietly- I doubt nobody see except me. But they never never speak out like “hurry up man!” or make other noticeable noise.

To become English I may not raise my eye brow next time when I am standing at the end of the queue after five trailers while the casher and a retired lady are talking about the weather.

Should behave like an English.

伦敦美食节 Real Food Festival 2011.5.5-8

地点：Earl's Court，伦敦，英国

作为一个美食爱好者，很期待去看一看“真正的食物”展览。而且我希望以后能够经营一家自己的小咖啡店，蓝天，白云，阳光，氤氲的时间。